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Winter Thoughts

Walking to work this morning, and noticing the autumn leaves, thinking that one serious winter gale and they'll all be gone...

Worrying about friends. One I feel is drifting away, stretched almost to the limit. All I can do is keep making rather footling offers of help, of rides in the car... stupid, useless, politely refused. But what else can I do? I have nothing else to give except care and thoughts, but this friend is intensely private, self-sufficient.

Then, there are my old friends, who are now facing the death of a son. Unimaginable.

Marking. Dear student: if you think that uploading a file with the name "send that shit" is in any way appropriate, I have news for you. No love, ... me.

Taking the dogs for a walk this afternoon in almost-darkness. Realizing that winter is really almost here




nablopomo #2

Comments

( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
sartorias
Nov. 3rd, 2009 05:10 am (UTC)
Oh I am so sorry for your friends--so very sorry.
intertext
Nov. 3rd, 2009 03:59 pm (UTC)
thank you.
wordweaverlynn
Nov. 3rd, 2009 06:20 am (UTC)
All you can do for the first friend is go on being there and not take it personally; IMX, people like that (like me) do come back when they've dealt with the pain in private. It can take years.

As for your newly bereft friends. I am so sorry. Just be aware that the pain does not go away nearly as rapidly as the condolences do. Being supportive of them in six weeks or six months will be greatly appreciated.
intertext
Nov. 3rd, 2009 03:59 pm (UTC)
Thanks - that's wise. I think my own instinct is always to try to "fix" things or help if I can, and I suspect in this case I can't, but it doesn't stop me from trying. I just don't want that friend to think I'm being pushy or interfering.

Those friends whose son is dying were among the most supportive of me when my mother was dying and after her death. I think for them, actually, just being there representing a time when life was normal is important. We walk our dogs together regularly and I hope they'll be able to keep doing that.
(Deleted comment)
intertext
Nov. 3rd, 2009 06:44 pm (UTC)
thanks - you're lovely to say that. But really, I don't want this to be about me (though I guess it is in a way). It's about worrying and feeling helpless and like I'm doing and saying all the wrong things, but wanting the person I'm worrying about to know that I'm there. Not in an "I'm worried about you, so you're obligated to let me know how you're doing" way, just ... knowing.
(Deleted comment)
intertext
Nov. 4th, 2009 12:21 am (UTC)
Re: Communication Fail?
oh, no - no communication fail. I didn't want to give the impression that I was eliciting sympathy, just that I was feeling helpless in the face of a friend's difficulties and inadequate in how I was expressing it.

I think we were talking about the same thing, probably ;-)
lidocafe
Nov. 3rd, 2009 07:13 pm (UTC)
Lunch tomorrow?
intertext
Nov. 3rd, 2009 07:24 pm (UTC)
That would be lovely.
lidocafe
Nov. 4th, 2009 02:36 am (UTC)
I have a meeting until 11:30/12. What's your schedule?
intertext
Nov. 4th, 2009 05:48 am (UTC)
I have office hours until 11:30, but am free after that - so whenever you are free is fine.
lady_schrapnell
Nov. 3rd, 2009 07:42 pm (UTC)
God, that's a tough situation - so hard to want to help and not see a way to do it. Can't even imagine the pain of the couple losing their son.
lidocafe
Nov. 4th, 2009 02:36 am (UTC)
God that is one gorgeous icon.
intertext
Nov. 4th, 2009 05:48 am (UTC)
Isn't it? I was going to say... :-)
lady_schrapnell
Nov. 4th, 2009 08:06 am (UTC)
Thank you both! Though I had nothing to do with it except leaping upon it joyfully - from semyaza, of course. The artist is Kathleen Lolley. And another one...
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )

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