It didn't help that yesterday I had turned down a lunch invitation with some peeps that I actually would have liked to get together with and when I met up with the person I was supposed to be having lunch with she said "oh I can't possibly have lunch today I'm much too busy" as if it hadn't been her idea in the first place and oh what an intrusion I was on her busy schedule. Just... gee. Thanks for letting me know. And there were other things about our meeting that I won't elaborate, but that upset me and left me feeling like I just wanted to move to another planet. And some other stuff.
Then this morning, she phones again and I tell her that I'm not happy about the "other things" in our meeting and we have this long, frustrating, emotional, difficult conversation that left me feeling wrung out, and then some other things went wrong and ... oh blah blah blah.
Do you ever feel like you're just not somehow properly hooked up to the world? Someone I once knew and loved used to complain that the universe was designed against him, and I used to get mad at him about that, but I can actually now understand that feeling of just being disconnected. Not that things are actively Out to Get Me, but just that I don't know the passwords. Left out. Maybe that's why I was writing a while back about the "oh I'm so special" theme in SF, because I've always felt like I would have been the person on the sidelines watching while everyone else was chosen.
Maybe it's more than a bit blah. It's a lot blah.
But this, too, will pass, no doubt. Sigh. I think it would help if the sun would come out for more than about five minutes at a time.