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Remembering

On this day last year, my mother died.

I've been circling my feelings all the past week leading up to this day, intermittently grumpy and teary, trying not to, but also in some way having to, relive some of the moments of the week last year leading up to this day this time last year.

Grief is such a long, inescapable, complicated process. If I've learned anything in this past year, it's been to give in to it, to be kind to myself and my feelings. In some way, I feel less bad today than I thought I would, more of a sense of looking forward than looking back, of a milestone passed and a load lightened. I feel a little vulnerable, unsure of my composure, though. I'll have to walk lightly through the day.

Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
a_d_medievalist
Jan. 23rd, 2007 11:19 pm (UTC)
Take care of yourself ...
intertext
Jan. 24th, 2007 02:30 am (UTC)
Thank you.
gillo
Jan. 24th, 2007 01:03 am (UTC)
{{{hugs}}}

Anniversaries take a while to learn to cope with. At least now there are no more "firsts", which is a significant stage in the grieving process. You're right about "complicated" - part of the stress can be feeling that there are appropriate things you "ought" to feel - when what you actually do feel can take you so much by surprise.

Well done for being kind to yourself - you deserve it and you know it's what your mum would want for you.
intertext
Jan. 24th, 2007 02:32 am (UTC)
Thanks, and hugs back. You're right - it's all such unexplored territory; but I'm getting quite good at just weathering each little storm as it blows in ...
(Deleted comment)
intertext
Jan. 24th, 2007 02:32 am (UTC)
Thank you - I appreciate it much!
lilyfriend
Jan. 24th, 2007 01:55 am (UTC)
I remember a year ago, being so impressed and thankful that you decided to carry on with our class after your mother's passing. That's the sort of strength that will carry you through anything life throws you.
intertext
Jan. 24th, 2007 02:34 am (UTC)
Thank you - that really means a lot!
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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